Don't want to go to school... must have more weekend.

Oy vay, I can't stand the thought of Monday mornings. I am dying for Spring Break to get here! 3 weeks! I can't believe I have to wait 3 weeks!
Anyhoo!
I had a fun weekend, and now I don't want to let go of it. It's not like I did a whole lot, it was just nice. Does anyone else ever get that way? Even if your weekend isn't they most exciting time you've ever had, is it hard for you to let go of it just because it was nice? I do that a lot.
Well, I just wanted to talk about what I'm doing right now for my singing. I am preparing a song for March 7th, which is the day of Solo Festival held at my school. The song I will be singing is a German piece called Bist Du Bei Mir, and oh boy has it been challenging! This is the hardest song I've had to learn so far, just because of the language. The score isn't all that tough, but getting the language down has been a beast. So, I am doing that, and hoping that I will make State Competition.
Then our chuch is having a "Variety Show" on March 12th, and I will be singing two songs that night. Then, I think it is April 7th, is the night that I will be performing the Star Spangled Banner for the Idaho Steelheads Hockey team. That night is Fire Prevention night, hosted by the Boise Fire Dept. that my dad is part of. This will be my 3rd year in a row singing for this night! I'm so so so so so very excited about it! I'm excited about all the performances I will be doing.
I am also excited to say that I finally found some college that I may be elligable to attend. They are Music schools, actually Music Conservatories. I was upset about the fact that I couldn't find any music school listed on the internet, so I figured there weren't any, except Julliard, which I will never be able to attend. But I realized, after reading an advertizement for the Pacific Music Conservatory, that they don't call music school Universities or colleges. So, I did a search for music conservatories, and I have found many. I'm so happy, because now I have restored hope that I will be able to attend college and Major in a Voice area. I'm going to go into our Career Center at my school this week, and have the lady there help me get the information I need to know what to do to apply to some of these schools!
Well, I guess that is about it. I just wanted to do a little update, since I never really talk about anything important on my Blog.
Gotta get to bed! Good night, dream in peace!

Sweet Idea!

Hey! So, I have discovered these awesome words for a song. The only problem is that the score for the song isn't mine. It's this sweet sounding, dark, almost Evenacense (don't know how to spell) sound going on. It's an awesome composition, too bad I didn't come up with it. But the words I worked out are freakin' sweet! And I need to write it all down somewhere before I forget.
Um... now I don't know what to talk about. I thought I would have a lot more to say about the song thing, but I guess that was it.
Well, I am speachless now, or topicless. That's it. Peace out!

Why meeeee????

So, I really hate my body and what it's doing to me! I do NOT want to be sick like this again!
I think my strep-throat is coming back, and I feel like crap right now. And I probably should go to the hosiptal to have them test me for strep again, but I really don't want to. I should, but ya know, needles aren't all that fun!
So, I woke up this morning at about 2:30 a.m. and I thought I was just cold and so I was shivering. But then I started to feel nauseated, and I started to get really bad body aches, and eventually I started to get a fever. Sadly, the reason I had chills was not because I was cold. Then, of course, I start thinking maybe it was just a false alarm because I'm feeling a little better later on in the day. But now that the Aleve that I took is wearing off, I am starting to hurt again. And now I'm thinking that if I do go to the hosiptal, we could stop it sooner, and save me the suffering of feeling like death is better than living while I'm sick.
Anyhoo! I just talked to my mom and she said it would probably be best to go up to the hospital to get tested again. So, I need to go get dressed since I've been in my pajamas all day, ya know, being sick and all. Wish me luck... that I won't experience too much pain while they put the needle in my arm AGAIN! Oy vay! I wish that I could just wake up and have this all be a bad dream. Gotta go... all we need is peace!

Sick and Tired of Hurting.

So uh, pretty much I feel like my whole world is coming down around me all of the sudden.
I don't know why it had to happen or how it started to, but I had everything in this wonderful balance, but now it's all falling apart. I was so happy, and so content with how my life was going. I felt like nothing could bring me down, even if once in a while I had one thing I was upset about. I felt like for once in my life, everything was coming together; I was getting the respect I deserve (at least I thought it was respect), I was motivate to not procrastinate with school work, I was motivate to take better care of my physical self, and I was inspired to start working harder towards my future goals. But since the last couple of day, maybe the last 5 days to a week, I all of the sudden have lost my balance, which by the way, I was promised by a certain person that they would be there to catch me if I fall, and now they're turning from me, and I'm falling flat on my face.
This depression I'm going through is partly due to feelings I was trying to avoid with this person, I'll name him Nemo for privacy and to save myself the embarrassment I would get if other certain people new his real name.
Sooooo, I guess, in a nut shell, I knew better than to let myself like him, no matter how convincing he was that he seemed to like me. And I told myself everyday that I cannot like him and I wouldn't like him because I KNEW I would get hurt. But I'm just a stupid girl, and sometimes it's easier to just let things flow and stop fighting with yourself. So, I guess that's what ended up happening. I just felt like I had someone to lean on and to go to for cheering up. I felt safe and secure with him, and I thought I really saw myself in his eyes, at least once. I thought he really got me, and understood me even though we pretty much only know each other a half an inch past the surface. But I don't know. Everything just seemed okay with him and I was really happy. I had confidence, knowing that for some reason, this amazing guy was holding me... just me. But like I said, I knew I'd get hurt, so here I am. Pouring my heart out on an internet website. Some would say that's desperate because you can be noticed by millions on the internet if you really want to. But they can say what they want, I'm not desperate for attention, I'm desperate to find a way to not hurt anymore.
So, I will try, starting this second, to learn how to only let this feelings be on the surface. I do not want to get involved with any guy, for the rest of this year, all of next year, and at least the first year that I am in college. I have better things to do with my life and my heart than let some guy get to me like this. Excuse the language, but I'm going to just be a cold, hard bitch on the inside when it comes to guys trying to get close to me. I don't need them to make me happy! HA! I win!
Keeping the peace one day at a time!

I miss Idaho Falls already!!!!!!!!

Hello mates! How are ya? I hope ya'll are doin' well!
So, the weekend we just got done with was soooooooooooooooo great, and I am so depressed and pissed off that it is over. I went to school today, and I was so depressed and unhappy, and I didn't feel good, and all I wanted to do was scream and cry because I wanted to still be in IF with Laura and everyone. I had the best time just kickin' it with Laura. I mean, we have never really had a weekend that was just for us to spend together, so if was freakin' awesome, and now I'm depressed because I want to still be there. I mean, we hardly did anything at all, but that was totally fine because we spent a lot of quality time just sitting in Laura's room talking and laughing and crying about stuff, it was so nice. I just wish it wasn't over.
Then we got to go see Matt and Jenn, which freakin' rocked! We had sooooo much fun just talking and laughing with each other. Then everyone wanted me to sing some of my songs that I've learned while taking Voice lessons. Jenn recorded me on a digital camera, and I thought I sounded horrible when I watched it. Well, I sounded horrible on certain parts of the songs. But that's how it is, since I know exactly how it's supposed to sound, I picked out every single note that was flat or sharp, or just completely wrong. I felt sick just listening to myself. But it was worth it because everyone was happy and stuff, so that was a good time! Thanks Jenn and Matt for the game and the pretzels!
It was also my Grandma's B-day on Saturday, so we had a little celebration for her. I had a good time talking to my Grandma and Grandpa about stuff, like when the grew up during WWII, and my Grandpa telling me stories he'd learned about the authors C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolken. They are so much fun to just sit and listen to.
Anyhoo! The point is, my weekend rocked and it's not fair that it's over! I want it back! I feel bad that I was such an unhappy person today at school, but it just didn't seem like I was supposed to be there, so I was really unhappy that I had to be.
Well, that's it for the time being. I have to check out some movie times for Saturday night for... guess which movie... you got it, The Phantom of the Opera! This will be my 5th time seeing it, but we are going because one of our buddies that is a guy just turned 16 today, so instead of wasting our money going to a pointless Sweethearts Ball, that all you do is stand around and listen to the music, we decided we'd do something fun AND cheap! So, I'm totally psyched about that! Gotta get going! Peaces of me! (the song! LOL)

I'm innocent, so back off!!!!!!

Dear blogpeople,
Sup? Why is it that because I am a nice person, someone always ends up hating me? What is WRONG with the world? I mean, just because someone thinks I'm nice and a good person to hang out with, doesn't give anyone a right to hate me, especially if they've never even met me!
So, I went to go visit a friend of mine at his job today. He was my boyfriend in 7th grade, and we've stayed "friends" ever since then, except that after today, I pretty much get the feeling that he doesn't want anything to do with me. Well, I think the other girl waiting to talk to him was his girlfriend, that just happens to absolutely hate my guts and wants me to die (even though she's never met me and I've never met her) all because my friend's mom really likes me and has since I met her back when I was 13 years old. So, while we're waiting to talk to my friend, all she can do is glare at me, and I'm pretty sure she was bad-mouthing me to another guy that works there. Then when my friend came out, she gave me a look that if she could kill me, I'm sure she wouldn't have hesitated a single moment. So, I had to make up an excuse saying that my mom pretty much made me go say hi to him, just so that he wouldn't get all mad at me, and maybe she'd get over herself a little bit. But it was just stupid because she has nothing to worry about between my friend and me, especially after tonight. All I got from him was a little tap on the shoulder, not a hug. But what ev! If he's going to a pussy, I could care less. Well, that's really all I have to say. See ya later, Peace be unto you!